I Would Be Remiss

Though it has been a little while, I would be remiss if I did not mention that my mom visited me for Christmas this year! This was actually her second time in Djibouti. She also came last year a couple of months after I arrived. The first time, she visited my classes, saw the town and we did a little sightseeing, taking in an island in the middle of the gulf and swimming in Lac Assal, the lowest and saltiest place on the African continent.

But this time, it was a little different. We only left town once (to go camping at the beach) and instead she put up with me for a week while I flapped around like a crazed chicken trying to finish my classes, finish midterm grades, and give each of my 70 students their oral exams. Then for the second week, she met friend after friend and student after student of mine who had heard about her and who came to meet Hannah's Mom. Many of these friends don't speak English, but we translated and she was a fairly good sport and at least pretended like she understoood what people were saying. She also covered her head, made Christmas dinner for ten or so of our friends, tried eating with her hand and reclining on floor cushions, and learned that life in a developing Francophone African Muslim nation is sometimes a little less exotic and and a lot more difficult than it seems.

She found out that many eastern cultures have huge amounts of social rules and protocol to follow (or as she said, "There seems to be a rule for everything and I don't know any of the rules except the ones I've broken"), but also saw that people have grace on old ladies, especially the mother of a friend. She was tickled that so many of my friends called her "Mommy" or "Mama." (But this is normal--I also call the mothers of those same friends "Mom"). And I think most of all, it was gratifying for her to see that even in a country that none of my friends had ever heard of before I decided to move here, I have people here who care about me and whom I care about, who I can laugh and cry and celebrate and mourn with. Thanks for coming, Mom.

Pictured above: Mom, and I and Rachael, our newest roommate, sitting in our living/dining room.

Lonely, Oh So Lonely!

Do you ever feel lonely? Sad? Depressed? Like no one wants to be your friend? Well, do I have the perfect cure for you...come on over to Djibouti and live with the Somalis! You will never in your life feel lonely again.

I suppose as Americans, it does not feel so unusual to be alone. In fact, as an introvert at heart and as someone who grew up without siblings my own age, I have grown pretty accustomed to being alone. But gone are the days when I used to take long walks by myself or hide in my room and read books for hours on end. Now I am with the Somalis and have found that social rule #1 is that you must be cursed, endangered, socially outcast or just plain weird if you ever have the misfortune of finding yourself alone. To be alone here is to be in the most pitiable of states. Rule #2 is if you ever are accidentally alone, you must remedy this immediately (or if you are a foreigner, someone will come to remedy it for you). Rule #3 states that rule #2 is especially urgent when you are sick.

Cases in Point:

1. The house helper who works for the family below is almost never alone, but on the rare occasions when the whole family is gone, she comes up to our apartment to sit with us because she is too afraid to be by herself. She, like everyone else, obsessively calls out "Who is it?" everytime one of us knocks on the downstairs door and will only answer it when I say the customary "It's me" and she recognizes my voice.

2. When my roommate Rachael was recently sick in bed with a fever and achiness all over, our houseworker and a friend and said friend’s aunt came and fawned over her excessively. They made her drink a lime juice and garlic mixture (which we hate drinking, but it does seem to help with whatever ails you) and then the aunt promptly started babbling away, laughing, talking and generally trying to entertain Rachael in her rapid-fire old lady Somali speech. Cintia, our other roommate, tried to explain in vain that while the attention was very kind, Americans like to be alone when they are really sick, that in fact old ladies telling jokes in a language we struggle to understand while touching and pinching and staring at us is not exactly a comfort during a time of infirmity. The aunt protested “But if I don’t talk to her, then she will get bored and sad and will become even more sick!!” Case closed. Our friends borrowed a neighbor’s wedding video and plopped down on the bed with Rachael to watch it to keep her from getting lonely, and therefore, from getting sicker. When they finally had to leave, they assigned Cintia to the task of keeping Rachael from getting lonely. Though Cintia is not American, she understands us fairly well, and as soon as the others were gone, she promptly left Rachael alone.

3. When I stayed with a Djiboutian family, the only time I was ever alone (besides when I was using the bathroom) was when everyone took their communal after-lunch nap and I stayed awake to read or just have some time to think and relax. Even then there were people sprawled on the floor all around me, but at least I would get a little thought privacy every day.

4. One of the other American teachers at the university is a single man and he lives by himself because he is the only single American man living here who is not associated with the military. Dan doesn’t seem to mind being on his own too much, but when he told his students that he lived in an apartment by himself, they were shocked. “But how can you even live? Who cooks for you? No wife or mother? Aren’t you sad and lonely?” Etc, etc. He assured everyone that he is fine, not lonely, not scared, and gets by quite well with sandwiches and eating out. But that was not good enough. His students were still concerned. One day, two of the guys came to him and said “Teacher, we have been thinking about what you told us and we feel so sorry that you must live alone. We have decided that we will come and live with you so you will not be lonely anymore. I mean, how can we stay in our own homes when our dear teacher is all alone?” Dan thanked them for their kindness but politely refused the offer.

5. Whenever someone drops by the house and sees that I am alone, they are always shocked and mortified and our conversation goes something like this:

“What?! You are here alone? Completely alone? Why? What happened?”
“Well, everyone else went to town for work or errands.”
“Aren’t you so afraid of being alone?”
“Nope, not really. Actually, sometimes I kind of like it.”
“What?! You can’t be serious. I have never heard of such a crazy thing! Ok, don’t worry. I will stay here with you until everyone comes.”
“Oh thank you, but you really don’t need to....”
“Don’t be silly. Of course I can’t leave you alone.”

And so I will continue washing the dishes, ironing, planning my lessons or doing whatever else I was doing and the person will watch and keep me company, true to their word.

I am getting more and more used to community living, but at least fortunately when things get too crazy or twenty neighbors all choose the same night to stop by, I can always go up to our roof and pretend like I’m not home. And though I may never fear loneliness the way Somalis do, at least they are teaching me to open up my house and my time and my life in ways I never used to before.

"Dear Teacher": An Ambigous Offering

A couple of months ago, around the time another American woman was moving in with us, I ran into one of my university students. He stopped while I and a few of my coworkers were moving some furniture into our house. When my student saw me, he delightedly asked what I was doing in his neighborhood. I replied that this was my neighborhood as well and that we were moving some extra furniture into our house because we had a new roommate. Aboulkarim was fairly shocked: "Really? This is amazing, teacher! You are the first white person I have ever seen in our area. (This is fairly true and not an uncommon response when I tell people which neighborhood I live in).

Later, this student called me and asked if I was getting married. No, I replied a bit confused. I then remembered that it is not uncommon for a couple to get new furniture around the time of their marriage and to then have a special ceremony with friends and family to install them happily in the new house. I told him I was still single.

"So...no ceremony? No marriage?" he asked.

"Sorry. Nothing special. We just bought some new furniture. That's all."

"But your brothers and your family were there (referring to my western coworkers)."

"Well, there is another American teacher moving in with us, but she's a girl. No marriage."

I recounted this conversation to Tom, my boss, and he teased me that this student was just checking to see if he still had any prospects with me. I was horrified and told him I wanted to believe that all my students have innocent intentions until proven guilty (however naive this may be).

But then, I received a rather ambiguous visit from my student one day. (I know it may seem strange that my students know where my house is and even drop by to say hello, but as half of them are practically neighbors, it's sometimes hard to figure out where to draw the student/teacher line.) He came to my doorstep and presented me with a brightly-wrapped Christmas present. In fact, the only one I've ever received from a non-westerner. What follows below is the letter that accompanied said present. Keep in mind, my student has received most of his education in Arabic, which has neither punctuation, nor capitalization like English does. I have reproduced his letter exactly as he wrote it.

“Hi Dear Anna,

I am Abdoulkarim mohamed hassan your university student really I am very glad to be your student somtimes I think I am a very lucky student since I am your student and what is more certainly you are nice kind person and I love your personality and that forced me to give some Somali traditional gift as well as our religion tells muslim people have to make friends with other people so that I have here two traditional issa [Somali] things I would like show you how to use these the first one we say in Somalian (wanbeerand) we use it as a decoration on bedroom’s wall also we put some important things in it slight things like passport neck laces and second we say (sharaxad kuuleed) means decorating beeds and we place it in the same place a wanbeer

and I hope it will be a souvenir between you and I further more I wish you will show to your relatives as your fammly and amrican friends there fore I would like to make a good relative ship with you and a good tie since amrican people are friendly people and good personality and nice behavior

good luck in your life”

Actually, the gifts were handmade and quite nice--a traditional and colorful carrying sack made from woven wool and a small beaded wall decoration that hangs from a cord. But I think the word is still out on Abdoulkarim and his intentions. I just wonder...is it is normal for Djiboutians to enclose a picture of themselves when they give a gift? :)

Saved By Her Fat

One of my roommates told me a story recently that is just too crazy and too funny not to share. Decide for yourself if it is Djibouti or Jerry Springer.

We heard a few days ago that my roommate's language helper's sister-in-law had been stabbed three times and was in the hospital. Apparently, the husband of said sister-in-law had taken two wives--neither of which knew about the other. We didn't catch all the details, but it seems that once the two wives found out about each other, one of the women stabbed the other one. We heard that the stabee had two minor wounds in the thigh, but a potentially serious one in the stomach. We had heard of disputes like this breaking out between jealous women before, but this one seemed pretty serious.

After meeting her language helper again today, Rachael told me "Well, I have some more news about our friend's sister-in-law." She cracked a smile and I knew something was up.

"So, what happened? Is she ok?"

"Actually, it was pretty bad. The doctors thought there might be some serious internal bleeding." At this point, Rachael's slight chuckle turned into uproarious laughter.

"Yes," I replied totally confused. "I can see how internal bleeding might seem so hilarious...but what happened?!"

"You don't understand. Nothing. This lady is going to be fine."

I stared at Rachael blankly, with not even half a clue.

"You see, the sister-in-law is really fat. Normally, a knife going into someone's stomach would have caused severe internal bleeding. But this lady was so huge, the knife didn't even reach any of her organs. It just cut part of the cushion of fat which will heal in no time! No bleeding and she'll be fine."

A woman who was preserved by her own fat. We laughed until we cried.

Fatty, Fatty, Hamburger Paddy!

When I was in Ethiopia and Kenya for vacation, I stayed with extremely hospital Ethiopian and Kenyan friends. They delighted to make lots of food for me and felt sad and disappointed if I didn’t have at least two large helpings at every meal. As well as this, they drove me around everywhere so I wasn’t exercising much and sort of skimped on taking my normal vitamins. The result was a little added weight. I never weighed myself, but my guess is somewhere between 5 and 8 pounds. I could tell something was a little different, but my clothes were only slightly tighter. I was hopeful none of my friends back in Djibouti would notice. No such luck. The first Djiboutian friend I saw hugged me, looked me over and said “Wow Hannah! What happened to you? You got so fat!” After she finished laughing, she exclaimed “You look great! Now you are truly beautiful.”

Now it was my turn to laugh as I imagined an American friend bluntly telling me how fat I’ve gotten in one breath and how beautiful I look in the next. But in this culture, a little fat makes you more appealing. When so many women are stick thin, a little meat on the bones is a good thing I guess. None of my western friends made any mention or seemed to take any notice of this change, but almost all my close Djiboutian friends commented on my weight. I overheard our houseworker telling my roommate “My goodness, Hannah has really gotten fat hasn’t she?” I yelled from the other room “Hey! I can hear you and I am not fat!” She laughed and kept saying the Somali equivalent of “Fattie fattie Hannah! You’re such a fattie!" She also told me quite delightedly "Now I look like the young single woman and you look like the fat old married woman!” Trying to hide my laughter, I grabbed a wet towel and hit her butt with it before we both collapsed on the ground in fits of laughter. But I still maintain I am not fat, the most I will consent to is only a slight extra pudginess at best. :)

I don't even know how friends can see any difference in weight since the clothes I normally wear are so long and loose I've practically got enough room for another person. They all say they can see it in my cheeks. Judge for yourself. The picture on the top is my "thin picture". It was taken last winter when my Mom came to visit. Many people commented during this time that I looked like I was losing weight. Some even asked if I was sick, but I was fine--just working a lot. The picture on the bottom is my "fat picture", taken recently while I was visiting a Masaai village in Kenya towards the end of my "eating frenzy." Personally, I don't see it but I seem to get more compliments now that I am "fat."

"Do You Speak English Too?!"

Earlier this summer, I moved to a new neighborhood. In the old one, most people spoke French and many of our neighbors were foreigners. In the new place, it’s all Somalis. As far as I know, my roommate and I are the only foreigners in our section. And since she is South American and is often mistaken for an Arab, I am the only white person in our area. So I rarely speak English when I’m in our neighborhood. Usually at shops and little restaurants, I practice my Somali or resort to French if I can’t make myself understood otherwise. I usually also wear Somali or Arab clothes, so many people ask if I am either Arab, or a French woman married to a Somali (or a single French woman looking for a Somali husband). The other day, I saw one of my students on the street and we started talking in English. A woman from one of the nearby shops who I had only spoken French and Somali to exclaimed in English, “Wow!!! You mean you speak English too?” I laughed and said “Yes, of course! ”
“That’s great! You speak really well. Did you learn here in Djibouti?”
“Umm, no actually. I learned in the US.”
“Oh really? How long did you study?”
“I been working on it about 24 years now.” She looked at me curiously and said “But you don’t look that old.” I laughed and said “Auntie, I’m American and English is my mother tongue! Didn’t you know?”
“No!” she laughed. “It’s just that you seem so Djiboutian. I just thought you were French and had learned English and Somali.”
We both cracked up, but I still can’t tell if this is a compliment to my French or an insult to my English. :)

Alternate Uses for a Veil

Before I moved here, I thought as many American women do, that for most Muslim women wearing a veil must be something dreadful and oppressive and restrictive. I especially wondered how women would be able to keep wearing their long dresses, headscarves and enormous veils during the intense summer heat. Yet they do and they don’t seem to mind too much. I’ve asked some friends why they cover so thoroughly during even the hottest months and here are some of the responses I’ve gotten: “Because it is fitting for a Muslim woman.” “Because the Qur’an says we must be covered.” “Because I respect myself and I want men to respect me too.” “Because I’m a little shy and don’t want to show off.” “Because it is our culture.” “Because modesty is a woman’s glory.” “Because it’s beautiful!”

Normally, I wear long skirts with a longer sleeved shirt and a scarf tied around my head—modest but not completely Djiboutian. But since it’s been getting warmer and since I’ve moved to a more conservative neighborhood, I decided to start dressing more the way local women dress—big cotton dress with a thick underskirt, scarf tied around my head with a huge colorful veil which envelopes me from head to waist. And I’ve discovered something I would not have ever imagined: I actually somewhat enjoy wearing a veil here and now when I go outside, I almost feel naked without one. I have also discovered some practical uses for veils:

1. Protection from the sun. A veil protects your neck, arms, and face if you pull it down low enough.
2. A ready-to-go shield from the blowing sand. When a blast of desert wind or a cloud of exhaust from a truck comes my way, I just slide my veil over my face and have no worries about getting dust or smoke in my eyes.
3. Hides as well as absorbs some of the copious amounts of sweat I have experienced.
4. Anonymity—if I walk slowly and sway a bit like local women do, from the back people can’t tell if I’m Djiboutian or not.
5. Bird poop shield. No kidding. The other day, I bird pooped right on the side of my head and left shoulder. Fortunately, the veil was there to keep me dry and poop-free.
6. On cooler winter nights, it doubles as both a thin blanket and a mosquito net.
7. Apron/pot holder for cooking and bib for eating.
8. When no one sees your hair, you never have a bad hair day.
9. Carries loads well. I have seen women tie everything from babies to bundles of wood on their backs using their veils.
10. The next best thing to stamping “Men, please do not disturb” or “Hey, I’m not that kind of girl!” on my forehead.
11. Excellent prop for playing peek-a-boo with children.
12. Interesting conversation starter. Strangers do everything from pepper me with questions, compliment my clothes, tell me how beautiful I look, invite me to visit their families, laugh at me, stare at me with looks of bewilderment, and greet me in Arabic.

From what I have gleaned from local friends, in my new culture’s eyes wearing a veil is the secret to beauty, mystery, modesty, honor, respectability and power. If putting on one article of clothing can do all these wonders, then I will happily leave the jeans and t-shirt in the closet.