“A Woman Wearing Man’s Clothes?!” – And Other Signs of Cultural Adaptation

During my trip to Ethiopia and another shorter trip to a neighboring country earlier this spring, I realized in seven months how much I have adapted and how much I have grown accustomed to certain facts of life in Djibouti. Things that shocked or at least surprised me at first no longer even make me think twice. For example, some things I once found shocking but have now grown quite accustomed to are:

1. The Macwiis (pronounced “mahwooss”) or Man-Skirt as I used to call it. This is a traditional garment that only men here wear, and to most western eyes it looks like a skirt that falls somewhere between a man’s ankles and knees. But it is not a skirt. It is a macwiis, and from what I am told, quite comfortable in the hotter months. Men also wear pants to work or for more business-type settings, but the macwiis is the preferred attire of comfort. I didn’t realize how accustomed I’d grown to seeing men wear these until I saw a European woman wearing one like a beach sarong. I was so shocked and horrified that this woman was wearing men’s clothing. Later, my co-worker and I remarked to each other “Did you see that woman wearing a macwiis? Is she crazy or what? Doesn’t she know its men’s clothing and she can’t just wear it as a skirt?”

2. Khat—it is a green, leafy plant that comes from Ethiopia and helps keep the Djiboutian economy afloat. Actually, it is a drug. Men chew on the leaves to get a stimulant effect. Bus and taxi drivers like to use it to keep themselves awake all night so they can drive longer and make money. It was a little concerning at first to know that most of my taxi and bus drivers are on drugs, but I can’t walk everywhere, so now I just try not to think about it too much. Khat is widely hated by most women here as it steals their money and their husbands. If you ask a woman “What do you think of khat?” she might roll her eyes or go off on a rampage about what an evil it is. I sometimes ask men what they think about khat. Some are against it, but many love it. One man told me “Khat—it’s what makes a man a man!”

3. Comments on weight gain or loss. Friends freely comment on how big/small/tall/etc I am. I met a fellow professor at the university right after I arrived and then didn’t see her again until a few months later. I guess I lost some weight this spring because a lot of people kept telling me I was getting thinner. I don’t even know how people can tell this because I wear so many loose layers of clothing. But anyway, this friend told me that I must have lost some weight. I told her I didn’t think so, but she said “No, no. I’m sure. Because when you first got here, you were kind of fat, but now you’re ok.” “Umm, thanks.” Now I must be gaining again because the other day another friend I hadn’t seen in a while took one look at me and said “Oh my goodness! You’ve really gotten fat since the last time I saw you! You must have a boyfriend. (This is what people say to tease you when you gain weight. Sometimes it’s true for local women. Sometimes not. For me, it’s not.) If this were the US, these comments would probably hurt. But here, “fat” is more of a description than an insult and it’s actually kind of a good thing to be a little fat. A little roundness is more beautiful. And just for the record, I don’t think I’ve gained or lost more than about five pounds. People just seem to like commenting about these things whether they’re true or not.

4. The unwritten “No Touching” Rule between sexes. I rarely touch men here. Even shaking hands with a man is something I have to contemplate. I don’t extend my hand or initiate any touch, and if a man touches me (unless it’s accidental or we’re squished in next to each other on the bus), I let him know that it is not ok. But many men go out of their way not to touch me. The money-takers on the bus gingerly drop change into my hand or carefully take it so they don’t even accidentally brush their hand against mine. When I walk up and down the aisles in class to check on students’ work, I slither and slide between desks to avoid brushing against any of my male students. I don’t even tap them when I want their attention. I just walk over and put my hand on their desk. I make a conscious effort to never tap or touch my boss in public (actually I even try not to smile at him or laugh at his jokes in public) as I do not want people who see us at the university together to think there is something going on.

I didn’t realize how much these little checks had become routine until I went to Ethiopia where it is not taboo for men and women to touch each other. While at a conference there, I was talking to an Ethiopian man and when we started laughing about something, he slapped me on the back and held my hand as we were laughing! You might think this is ridiculous, but can you imagine how scandalized I felt after months of almost no touch whatsoever? I silently freaked out until other Ethiopians explained that touching like this between men and women is pretty normal amongst the younger generation in their country. It didn’t mean anything—just that we were friends who enjoyed each other’s company. In Djibouti, I would have slapped a man without hesitation if had done this to me. And everyone who saw would have approved of my modesty and respectability for doing so.

5. Power Outages, Water Pump Breakages, and Frequent Household Repairs. Yep, it’s Africa so the power goes off, things break, and we don’t always have running water. Even though we do have a mostly working toilet and shower in the apartment, it doesn’t seem weird at all to shower with a bucket of water or to squat over a hole in the floor to go to the bathroom. Actually, there have been times I used a bucket or poured water down the toilet to flush because I just assumed the shower or toilet wouldn’t work. Only later did I find out that the water actually worked. I used to jump or throw my hands up when the power went off. Now I don’t even flinch.

6. Being in a continually dirty/sweaty/smelly state and yet still men tell me how beautiful I am! I suppose this has more to do with my unusual height, pale skin, big nose (they actually like big noses here!) and local dress more than how I look on any particular day. But still I get a kick out of sweating through my clothes, tripping over my dress and some random stranger still telling me that I look beautiful. Maybe this one I’m still getting used to.

7. Multinational and multilingual social gatherings. Earlier this spring, I went away to island for a women’s only weekend and there were 28 of us there from 14 different countries. I think I heard at least 6 or 7 languages spoken at the dinner table. But for some reason, it didn’t seem that strange. For such a small country, Djibouti is quite multilingual and multicultural. It seems rare to sit down with a group of people who are all from the same country or who all have the same native language. There is usually some translating going on because in a group of 8 or 10, there might not be a common language. Some people feel most comfortable in Somali, French or Arabic but maybe they want to practice their English too or maybe they picked up a little Spanish or Japanese or Hindi or whatever and want to teach everyone. So we communicate in whatever bits of whatever languages we know—French, Somali and English all mixed together with some Arabic phrases thrown in. More and more, it feels rare to hear a sentence that uses only one language.

8. The Yelling. When I first arrived, I thought everyone was always mad at me. Djiboutians tend to yell a lot. Especially on the street. I equated yelling to anger, but that’s not the case. I think it’s just part of the Somali way. One of my students told me that whoever yells the loudest in a disagreement is considered the strongest, which would explain why I hear so much yelling in the streets. People aren’t necessarily mad, they just want to win the argument. Some of my other students told me that if I didn’t yell at least a little, they couldn’t respect me. “How can we respect a teacher who is quiet and nice? You have to yell or you don’t have any authority.” I have noticed that some students need more yelling than others. :)

In fact, even when people are trying to be helpful, they still kind of yell. A while ago, I was walking up and down a street to find a hardware store. Finally, one exasperated man came out of his shop and started yelling at me “HEY, GIRL! WHO ARE YOU? WHAT DO YOU WANT? ARE YOU LOST? I SEE YOU WALKING UP AND DOWN THIS STREET. UP AND DOWN, UP AND DOWN! AND STILL NOTHING! WHAT DO YOU NEED?”

“I’M LOOKING FOR A HARDWARE STORE!! CAN YOU HELP ME?” I yelled back.

“Ok, sure. I’ll get my brother and he will take you.” The man’s demeanor softened a bit. He went and found said brother who then kindly led me to the nearest hardware store. Mission accomplished. So sometimes people yell because they want to help you, or want your attention, or want to make sure you know where you are going, or won’t fall out of the bus, or want to tell you that they like how you dress or want to play “Guess My Nationality” or want to prove they are strong and authoritative. Now that my language is improving, I see that it is not always anger. People just like being heard. :)